Wow

So hey, I reckon he is just about the loveliest bloke i have ever me. He is normal, hasnt jumped on me, has a completely different taste in music and is kind.

Wow

I have met a guy

Oh my god I have met a guy. He is normal, laid back and funny.

I really thought I was weird and repulsive but maybe I need to rethink that about myself?  :)

However my mate who I live with is completely ignoring me coz someone else was the centre of my attention and not her.

I would usually try to make things better, but I am going to ignore it. So there.

Good day!

Two cracking, happy days. Ok so they came after a huge night out where NMB was a little too prevelant but nice.

Yay, Im feeling goooood!!

Kind of proud

I am slightly proud that I got up this morning and got ready with full intention of going on my university visit trip thing. I went to meet my mate and she turned up to be still asleep. Now, I could of gone on my own and been brave trying to self-motivate, but I went for the easy option, came back and now am starting work in desperate attempt not to feel guilty.

Fingers-crossed, I'll actually finish today.

Bed day

I have been in bed all day, i am going to get up for my meeting at half seven, and then go back to bed.

Hmmm

I am a horrible friend and im guessing equally horrible person to live with. I. just. cant. tell her. Im worried that i have let it get too bad and telling someone all in one hit must not be nice and more than likely will be taken seriously maybe too seriously.

I dont think i want to burst though and end up telling someone when im in the wrong or different frame of mind. Sometimes i seem to move to be a different person, its still part of me and how i feel but it completly takes hold of me and becomes - what someone see as 'me.' It is me but not the whole me, just a horrible slice that takes over.

I should tell someone soon. Maybe. Well i told the doctor, and phoned the specialist to see when she back. And i will find out my appointment with the psychiatrist.

The thing is, if i tell somone, the horrible low bit may takeover and my life may have to go on hold and i just dont know for how long. If i had a time estimate i would be fine.

Bum.

So close

Im so close to telling my friend whats going on. That i am trying sooooo hard every minute of everydayy to hold off whatever is coming my way. It could be a major depressive episode or something else... I dont know if i can keep hiding it. But it takes all of my energy to hold it off while i attempt to get work done. It takes all my energy to open my laptop and type words to a page, i know i have to do it, i cant give in... I am going to try so hard to not give in...but somethings going to happen i can feel it like someone in black lingering beside me...